Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
