She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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