also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
