the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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