I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
