This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
