cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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