Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
