you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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