TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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