i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dick very happy bro
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
