My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
