One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
