when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
