I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
