i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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