I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just google imaged poop.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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