he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
