I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
