Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
