that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
