don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
