I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
