I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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