I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
