I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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