I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
