So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
