Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
