My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
whose parrot is this?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
