I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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