I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
