That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
