if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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