plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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