my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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