So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
