he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
