im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
