Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
