Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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