the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
