I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
