my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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