Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
