You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
