please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
