she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
