i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
