My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
