Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
