How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
