Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
