So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
