i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
