Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
