I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
